Latest Massacre feels unbalanced, unnecessary

October 9, 2006 —

When watching The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, you have to ask yourself one question - how much of this is necessary? How much blood? How much brutality? How much "back story" do moviegoers really need to endure?

Unfortunately, there is an excess of the former, and very little of the latter, making this an unbalanced and extremely unnecessary installment in a very popular horror series.

The reason this is The Beginning is that this film supposedly offers some vital clues as to what made Leatherface a horrible monster who dissects human beings with a chainsaw.

Well, any and all back story is rushed through in the first five minutes of the film, and after it's over all you can say is, "So what?"

Leatherface was born an ugly baby and was raised by a crazy family. There, save yourself $10 and stay home to watch postseason baseball instead.

Seriously, that is pretty much all that is offered when it comes to explaining an infamous serial murderer's horrific origin. The rest of the movie is not concerned with telling - it is concerned with showing.

What does that mean? That means make sure you bring something to vomit in if you don't like watching people's faces peeled off with a knife.

The majority of this movie sets out to unnerve the audience and make them squirm instead of actually scaring them. Sure, there are parts where it's tempting to look away for a minute - but that doesn't mean the movie is scary.Rather, the movie is a waste of time. It is a waste of time because it is exactly like the first Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Er, I mean the second one. Wait, I mean the remake of the original. That's it.

This prequel shares the same exact plot as the movie that is meant to follow it - a group of teenage-plus guys and girls head out on the road, come across a nasty sheriff, and end up fighting for their lives as they become prisoners in the home of Leatherface's crazy family.

Sound familiar? It certainly should. Heck, this movie is so much like the other one that it even comes complete with an abandoned meat-packing plant chase scene for its climax.

And this is the best that they could do? Come on Michael Bay, get your mind off Transformers for one minute and look at the crap you are putting in theaters right now.

I will not deny liking the 2003 remake. It was intense and R. Lee Ermey was great as Sheriff Hoyt, the detestable head of the house of horrors.

Ermey is good this time around, too. But it's not enough to save this movie.

Free popcorn and a toy chainsaw might have helped, but alas, I had to sit in the theater empty-handed, with nothing but the movie to distract me.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning did a fine job of keeping me distracted, but it was an unnecessary distraction that I, and moviegoers everywhere, could do without.