Cage fails to save remake

September 11, 2006 —

Well, it appears that we have been blessed with another remake. If there's anything that ignites the spark of creativity and wonder in modern film, it is the endless stream of remakes audiences have been showered with for the past few years. Sarcasm aside, The Wicker Man is not really worth seeing. There are far worse films out there, but there is little material in the film that is likely to stick with the viewer, except for Nicolas Cage punching someone while wearing a bear costume.

After a bizarre traffic stop ending in multiple deaths, officer Edward Malus (Cage) receives a letter from his former fiancee. The letter informs him that her daughter is missing, and she needs his help. After determining that the rather cryptic letter originated from a tiny island called Summers Isle, Malus heads there on his own to clear things up.

He is greeted by a strange community, which has an almost Amish feel, employing little technology. Also, it appears that women undisputedly run the show; the chattel-like men don't even seem capable of speech. The women all have names inspired by plants, mainly trees, such as Sister Beech and Sister Oak. I shudder to think which island resident got stuck with Sister Basswood.

At this point, Malus wanders around trying to figure out what's going on. He finds his former fiancee there, who now goes by the name Sister Willow. Everyone is very secretive and nobody seems willing to give Malus a straight answer. As the plot plods clumsily along, I came to understand that the colony on the island was supposed to mirror a colony of bees. A notable distinction, though, is that sacrifices are alluded to throughout.

The Wicker Man fails to provide any real reason for the motives of the residents of the colony. Everyone seems pretty set in their ways, but why? The colony is unforgiving in its distinction from other societies viewers will likely be used to seeing, and as such, in order to care about the events that take place in the colony, it is only fair that we should be provided with some understanding of why the members of this society find apparent fulfillment in it. Why bees?

Even Malus is pretty forgettable, despite being played by Cage, who is one of the more unique actors out there. Perhaps the biggest and most revealing flaw in The Wicker Man is its origins. The original film was released 33 years ago, and is infamous for its cult and camp status. This is all well and good on its own, but to remake a 33-year-old cult hit is almost an insult to the audience. Do any filmmakers really think we want to see a remake of The Evil Dead in 10 years starring Daniel Radcliffe?