Meals eaten in class show lack of respect

March 31, 2008 —

I remember thinking in high school how unfair it was for teachers to ban food and drinks from the classroom (as if they weren't busy enough preventing other dastardly deeds such as wearing a hat in school or the use of red ink pens).

Now that I'm well into my college days, I see that maybe keeping food out of the classroom wasn't such a bad thing.

I've always been of the mind that if you have to eat in class, it should be something simple; something that doesn't make a lot of noise when eaten or have a smell that may trigger nausea.

This is a sentiment obviously not shared by everyone. I've got a class where many of the students are apparently engaging in a running contest to see who can bring in the most foul-smelling food.

Most of these foods are salads only in the most literal sense that have been smothered in enough dressing to counteract any of those unwanted health benefits a normal salad provides.

I have enough trouble staying locked in to most lectures, but my short attention span stands no chance when the stench of a gallon of ranch dressing is beating the hell out of my olfactory system.

Class scheduling can make it difficult to eat a meal outside of the classroom. I've dealt with that myself.But I consider others when making my selections in the rare instances I bring food to class.

I'll usually ask myself something to the effect of, "Hey, big guy, do you think this will irritate your classmates or make them feel dizzy?" If the answer is ever "probably" or "my god, yes," then I pick something else.

Otherwise, I would just show up with a jar of pickles, eventually spilling brine all over someone's notes and plate of ranch masquerading as a salad.

That isn't to say I'm not willing to give free passes to people capable of stealth eating. I sat next to a guy earlier this semester who brought in a gigantic sub, bag of chips and what could be best described as a pail full of Pepsi.

Despite bringing in what could pass as a last meal before an execution, the guy consumed everything with such grace that I forgot he was even eating. By the time he finished, I wanted him to give me some pointers on such low-key eating.

Unfortunately, people like him are a rarity. It's more common to clearly hear the myriad of disgusting smacks and chomps some people make while eating.

Many people associate Virginia Woolf with powerful writing and that wouldn't be an unfair connection. It's too bad I'll always think of ranch dressing anytime I hear her name.