Standby finals study strategies

December 10, 2007 —

Yes, it's that time of year again, whether you like it or not. You may have tried hiding, bargaining, begging, and even considered moving to Canada, but the horrible truth remains ... final exams are here. But don't panic quite yet. Just because you have an exam in ten minutes, failed to crack a book all semester, and are now reading the Valley Vanguard in a desperate attempt to forget about the impending test, there may still be hope. Okay, I can't really help you with the exam in 10 minutes - you really should have studied for that one. But maybe a few tricks of the trade can help your academically-strained brain survive this week.

Writing on the arms

So what if you really didn't study those pages of equations, or forgot that the entire periodic table (along with atomic weights) was going to be on the test? Your professors will more than likely applaud the ingenious use of you available resources. Even if they aren't impressed, drawing on your arms is an excellent way to put off actually cracking open a textbook.

The Coffee-Crazed Study Frenzy

If you ever do get around to opening one of those books, consider this next suggestion as a fun alternative to hours of dull, repetitive memorization and reading. Traditionally, this method has had varying degrees of success. As a general rule of thumb, the higher the class level, the less likely this plan is to work. But if done correctly, the frenzy can support your local coffee spot and leave you with unforgettable memories.

Looking up old friends

As the holidays approach, it's always nice to drop in on old acquaintances during finals week. It is especially nice if your friend has an above average IQ and an uncanny habit of studying too much. It is even better if the friend has the same exam as you, and happens to have an extra copy of the previous semester's tests lying around.

Praying

I have seen this approach used many times in the classroom setting. Usually, it seems to work better if you happened to be religious for more than the 10 minutes previous to the exam. But don't let me stop your divine exploration.

Interestingly, the intensity of prayer of the average student also seems to be indirectly proportional to the amount of studying completed (mention this to your statistics or math professor, and it may be worth some extra points).

Studying

This option isn't as exciting as the others. But I do concede that studying is a tried and true method for preparing for an exam. Then again, hitting your finger with a hammer is a tried and true way to take your mind off a headache, but that doesn't mean it's the most appealing.

So there is my list of suggestions for getting through this week of tests, hand cramps, and Scantron sheets. I don't guarantee any of these methods, but I bet you'll be surprised with the results if you give them a try. And in case they don't work, please feel free to send all of your complaints to this column, starting next semester.

And of course, if all else fails, remember that you now need a passport to get into Canada.