Pathfinder stumbles on laughable plot, poor script

April 16, 2007 —

Now this is bad. If for some reason you find yourself compelled to seek out the most hackneyed of action hero plots, the dullest of dialogue, and the most brainless editing, you'll eventually find Pathfinder.

Trivia for this movie included on the Web site imdb.com states: "Despite knowing that the Vikings' helmets didn't historically have large animal horns on them, the filmmakers decided to add them in anyway. This would work with the modern audiences who have an ingrained stereotype of what a Viking should look like in their mind. Moreover, the horns make the Vikings look more terrifying."

Not only is this information indicative of the dunderheaded thought process behind this movie, it would also be the most thoughtful dialogue of the film if it poured from the mouth of one its many vacuous characters.

Here's a rough outline of the plot: Vikings versus Native Americans. As most of us know, Vikings did indeed reach the coastlines of North America well in advance of Columbus' famed expedition. And we also know that they left one of their own behind, who, raised by the Native Americans, would later miraculously vanquish the Vikings and become the beloved savior of his newfound people, right? I didn't think so.

Despite the movie's colossal shortcomings, one thing it has going for it is Karl Urban as the lead. His wild-eyed and desperate look

lends itself well to being a heroic underdog. He looks like a character out of some fantastic tale, which was part of his appeal in the Lord of the Rings movies. And Pathfinder gives Urban plenty of opportunities to look masculine, sympathetic, longing, and outraged. This is a movie that takes every opportunity to manufacture a supposed significant glance between characters, and then put that exchange into excruciating slow motion.

The camerawork throughout Pathfinder alternates between being directly in the face of a main character, wildly flailing during battle scenes, and attempting to set moods with distant landscape views. This movie tries far too hard to look majestic. Whereas Lord of the Rings could get away with shots like these due to its rich fantasy backdrop, Pathfinder tries to do everything at once with no basis in setting but a botched attempt at historical guesswork.

Hilariously, the Vikings in Pathfinder speak in their native tongue, yet the Native Americans speak English. While watching this, I longed for a movie like The 13th Warrior, which at least created a reasonable loophole to portray the characters as speaking English. Not that it matters. All of the dialogue here is clunky and throwaway. Better conversations can be found in Saturday morning cartoons.

I remember thinking the Vikings looked at least artistically impressive from the previews I saw over the decades-long trailer run Pathfinder had as its release date was unsurprisingly pushed back over and over again. Upon watching the movie in its entirety, though, I was unimpressed. Their wardrobe is so black I could hardly tell what was happening during action sequences, and so many chains were onscreen at once that I kept looking for Lobo to show up.

It's no exaggeration to say that Pathfinder is a terrible, terrible movie. This is the kind of film where you lose count trying to figure out whether there are more heinous and unnecessary camera cuts or more disturbingly cliche speeches about destiny. I would avoid watching this movie again at all costs.