Holiday guilt easily avoidable

February 12, 2007 —

With Valentine's Day less than 48 hours away, it's time for couples to set aside their differences and with dollars and cents, show how deep their love is for one another.

Naturally, not everyone gets into the festivities. We like to call these people "men."

Since men who don't buy their significant others something with a Hallmark price tag on it are viewed as the scum of the earth, most crumble and at least buy a sincere, personal card with a message and illustration by someone else.

If they're not willing to risk a night on the fold-out couch, they spring for a box of those expensive mystery chocolates that contain popular flavors like caramel, peanut butter, and fluoride.

But during this time of year when red roses become an endangered entity, let's not forget about those who have no one to buy for.

Valentine's Day ranks up there among the loneliest times of the year and sometimes, advice and a shoulder to cry on are the best remedies to get through it.

I'm not going to let you cry on my shoulder, but lucky for you, if there's one area I'm able to fabricate a vast knowledge of, it's love.

The first thing you need to have is perspective.

Festive as it may be, Valentine's Day really is just another day; no more important than last Thursday or Columbus Day. Actually, scratch that, Columbus Day is pretty damn important. It throws off the whole trash pick-up schedule.

With perspective, you'll realize that most couples will be back to arguing the next day about serious topics like who ate the last of the peanut butter.

Some may even get a head start on the bickering at dinner Wednesday night.

Second is realizing that special someone who will tolerate all of your annoying quirks and idiosyncrasies is out there somewhere.

Just because you aren't with them this Valentine's Day doesn't mean you can't be annoying the hell out of them next Valentine's Day.

One final piece of advice is directed more towards those who have recently come out of a relationship.

There usually isn't a great time to end a serious relationship, but anywhere in the proximity of a holiday like Valentine's Day is typically going to be devastating for at least one of the people involved.

Since anything is suddenly capable of reminding you of your ex, you would be best served to turn off your radio.

When you're newly-single, you abruptly realize that Phil Collins has never penned a song about anything but love.

And because Collins has been making sad love songs since the Coolidge administration, at least one of them is guaranteed to be playing on the radio at any given time.

In fact, you'll quickly realize there are a lot of love songs out there. You'll flip radio stations until you're convinced Wu-Tang Clan's "Bring Da Ruckus" and The Kingsmen's "Louie, Louie" are the only two non-love songs ever recorded.

And "Louie, Louie" only gets the nod because scientists are still feverishly working on decoding the lyrics.

So if you find yourself strapped with those Valentine's blues, remember: it's ultimately just another day, except everyone around you is sharing love and eating expensive candy.

But at least the trash pick-up schedule isn't thrown off.